代价

一切事情都有代价的，别说没有，因为不可能。。。
舍弃了我熟悉的地方，
舍弃了我最爱的花花世界，
舍弃了我身边的好友，
舍弃了我的知己，
舍弃了一切让我开心的人，事，物，
舍弃了最重要的自由，
来到一个
完全陌生的地方，
完全陌生的脸孔，
陌生的街道，
忐忑的心，
无助的心，
没人了解，
一切的一切因起于一人，
一个我可以为了他放弃任何一切的他，
不期望有贵妇的生活，
吃苦我也愿意，
为的只是期盼可以拥有一颗真心，
可是人世间最难拥有的就是真心，
不期望完美，
缺点被容许，
为的只是期盼可以拥有珍惜，
可珍惜是完全被当今的人所忽略的，
我就像外来的人，硬硬的逼进这圈子，怎融得下呢？
一切从来，
新生活，
新工作，
所面对的压力，真的很累，
看起来朋友好像很多，
其实算起来，3指手指还有找，
遥远的他们，只听见我的声音，哭声，想见面真的很难很难，
键盘敲出来的言语根本不足于完全表达我真正的心情，
她说我们真的很担心你知道吗？不开心的话，回来吧。。
他说我们尊重你的决定，可是还是考虑清楚吧。。
她说真的不后悔？
他说何必？值得吗？
她说愿主保佑你。。
他说了一针见血的一句这是你选择的代价。。
他/她们说从前的你到哪去了？开心疯癫的那个你还不回来吗？
他/她们只希望我开心。。
既然选择了，就尽量让自己好过，可是，还是会有人不会让你好过，还是会有人不顾虑你的感受，其实将心比心，你现在的所做所为让你很得意，可伤人啊，因果循环，不变的定律。。
到庙里祈福，从不求大富大贵，只求开心就好，
把开心当作理所当然的我现在感受到了那困难，
其实我是真的只要开心就好。。。

2，20，200

嘴里是拼了命的讲辛苦，讲要放弃了。。。可是说着说着，哭着哭着，闹着闹着，心灰，心淡，不知不觉的再过2个月就是2年了。。。

是时间过得很快，还是我们经历得太多了？

就如我所说，习惯真的是很恐怖，一旦习惯了，真的再也不想去改变了，尤其是我这样的年纪，说老不老，说年轻真的是笑话。。。

2年了，生活习惯摸透了，脾气也摸透了，知道什么时候该讲话，什么时候该闭嘴，知道他想要的是什么，就如一上车我就会自然而然的拿起水罐打开盖子给他喝水，真的是再也自然不过了，知道每天应该做的家务事，知道该怎么做才不会被骂，什么再难看的样子也看惯了。。。。我打呼的样子，磨牙的样子，憔悴的样子，他全看完完了。。。所以想说有谁会再接受我这些样子呢？

过了想到处去暧昧的时期，过了想到处拈花惹草的时期。。。现在的我只想安安定定的，静静的一只眼睁一只眼闭的过日子，只要我还在你的心里，我什么都接受得了。。。静静的等待。。。

再找一个啦朋友们说，可是真的那么容易咩？随手可得咩？而且也不想了。。。

希望不止是2年好吗？再过很多个20年可以吗？？？

party animal?

i think im slightly...erm...a little bit party animal!!!haha...

just within 2 weeks from the day i permanently staying in kl,i had at least 4 times clubbing....haha...erm...stil consider ok rite???

im jus enjoying drinking,dancing...nth else...hehe...so feel free to come when u feel like party...

working...

started working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!as a secretary in a law firm!!!!!!!!!!!erm...im not only serving 1 lawyer but 3....this is only my 1st week...but im tired...due to manyth hv to be done b4 due date!!!!the ofice separate in 2 floors,im in new wing,but most of the fax tray,copy machine,admin office,most of the main thing is located in 20th floor while im in 19th floor...so after i fair a letter to be sent out,i hv to climb stairs up n down!!!so thr is lots lots lots of letter n doc tht need to be sent to 20th floor!!!!hopefully i can slim down bcoz of this...

im stress as well...well,working in a law firm,mistaken is not allowed due to this is a law firm...no credibility at all if u keep make mistake rite????so everyth not only double check but is triple even more than tht...

erm...im jus in the company,but i ald got lots thing to handle due to the last secretary was so lazy,left so many files tht need to be handle in a very short time...i hv to sort everyth out in blur blur conditions...luckily sheena is here,everyth i jus ask her...phew~~~

working life is tiring...i sleep early everyday coz i run lots in the morning,hahahaha...but im stil party around!!!!!yeah!!!!work hard but play harder!!!m i rite???haha...

i love my job,while im working im chatting wf my dearest....im so so happy,we chat like last time in email so tht the boss wont found out n we seem very hard working coz keep checking our mail...haha...im really enjoy to chat wf all my dearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr jason,c.en,ah hong,ru chin...wil add more in my daily email list...mun yu?sheena?kian hooi?who else....haha....they ar the ppl who light up my day when im down n frustrated!!!!!

i think i like my life now,at least i wont b keep thinking of u everyday every minutes tht makes me so suffer...at least i fully utilized my time to work n play...i wish i could let u goooooooooooooooooooo...bless me.....

心淡

离开了让我开心，也让我伤心的地方。。。离开了熟悉的味道，熟悉的生活方式。。。我比想象中还不习惯。。。我比想象中的思念。。。

姐莲生日，我想回去，因为她希望我回去，而且之前我生日她也为我铺排了一切，让我过了很美好很美好的生日。。。基于有情上，感激心态，我真的很想回去。。。可是却被你一口拒绝了。。。我真的真的很失望，真的。。。可是我能怎样？你还要我不要让他们知道是你不让我回去的，我只好欺瞒说是上班的原因我回不去。。。

其实，我真的想走出你的影子。。。真的想。。。我希望我做得到。。。

分手只要一个人的决定，可是相爱却需要两个人在同时间互生情愫而结合。。。何时容忍会让我清醒而放开这错误的决定？爱上你是我的错，可是离开你我又舍不得。。。

away soon...

after bcome 'supergal' fly here fly thr(hometown to kl) for 3 month...finally i wil permanently staying in kl right after christmas...n i knw,i gonna start missing u....

daily routine!!!

wake up early in the morning,wash cloth,need to wait for few hrs if the cloth is too much as he need to wash all the cloth separately...
fill water into all empty bottle then reboil again...
prepare n boil chinese herbal as to reduce his cholestrol...
only finish all his thing only i can turn on my pc n go bath...
finish bath,start having all my healthy drink-organic,collagen,enzyme,fresh fruit juice make by myself...full...
wash all the dishes tht he left last9...
while waiting for the cloth,im sitting down n online...
hang all the cloth then im done wf my half work...

waiting him to wake up then going to breakfast...
sent home and start housework again...
sweap n mop whole house...
prepare all the thing for cooking..
if i stil got time i can online n watch astro..ahaha...

counting the time and start cooking,serve him to eat n wash all the dishes again,while he is laying on sofa n watching movie...
after clean the kitchen i hv to kept all the cloth...
if he would like to go out,then im allowed to follow,i wil be out til late night...
if im not allowed to follow,then i wil spend my whole night watching movie in the room..
b4 sleep,i hv to make sure everyth hv to be done...if not i wil get in trouble...

im spending my day like this everyday!!!!!!!!!i wanna escape to my own world!!!!!

happiness...

wil down to kl again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!as another old old fren married...hv to attend the dinner again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!seeing frens around me all getting married,feel like they ar so so happiness...they found their true love,they spend the rest of their time wf the person tht they love....

i dunno y im so so so tolerate....y i hv to bear all ur angryness all the time???y i hv to let u throw away wat i had cook wfout saying anyth although my heart is really really pain???

i jus wan to hv a normal life!!!!!

the actual day!!!

rush bck to hometown early in the morning at 8 nov...coz frens in hometown wanted to celebrate for me as well!!!!!!!!so i spent my actual day at my hometown wf my frens...having dinner n my favourite cake-mango delight!!!!!always my favourite!!!!!!!at 1st we planning to drink in a pub,but so coincident those pub tht we would like to go all closed......my frens avoid disapponted of me so they keep looking for a place for me to celebrate,finally we found 1!!!!haha!!!

thr is someth happen tht day as well,which makes me feel upset n unhappy on the day!!!not bcoz of the venue,but bcoz of attitute of somebody tht really hurts me lots...

for further pic...pls refer to my facebook!!!haha!!! add me at k_eng_eng@hotmail.com


im now currently in kl...ald been in kl for a week...the purpose is to interview n helping my frens in health fair tht held for 3 days...fri,today n tml...is quite tiring but it is fun...i think im so socialize,coz only 2 day then i ald can make ots of new frens...my fren was like 'wow how come u knw so many ppl jus within 2 day???' haha...dunno...i jus like to walking around to others ppl booth n chit chatting...haha...so bz body of me!!!!

it's nov!!!!!hu~~hu~~hu~~

me n my cousin!!!

ok...finally it's nov now!!!!!!!!the most excited moment tht i waiting for had jus past!!!!yes.it's my bday!!!!

my bday is on 9 nov,erm...at 1st tot tht i wil celebrate it in my hometown!!!but so coincident my fren's wedding dinner held in kl on 7 nov...some more it is on sat!!!!!yeah!!!this give me an excuses to heading KL...wat to do in kl???my typical bday celebration,CLUBBING!!!!!!!!haha...this is a huge gathering for KT ppl other than chinese new year!!!!i knw i can meet lots of fren tht we do not seen each others for ages....

so reached kl at 5 nov,coz of interview n looking for dinner dress n shoe...altot i ald own dinner dress n shoe,but greedy me stil would like to hunting around whether i can found someth much more pretty n nice!!!haha...gals...always lack of a dress in wardore n always lack a pair of shoe in shoe rack!!!! end up im attending the dinner wf new dress n new shoe...haha...

been bz interview,meeting frens,shopping...happy...been driving fren's car all around kl...hate the traffic...we ar late for the dinner bcoz of the heavy heavy traffic jam...the dinner start at 7pm,but we only reach at 8pm...so the dinner started once we reached...pai seh...

the dinner held at ah yat abalone restaurant in avenue k shopping mall,which thr is a club - quattro also located in the mall...so after dinner we ar heading to club!!!!erm...it's around 25 of us...wow...happy n excited coz we meet lots of hometown fren...we drink dance n play crazily...due to im driving so i don drink much...but they said im the bday gal so i hv to drunk...so i drink n i pretend tht im drunk n sit aside...haha...when looking at them drink n play crazily,im so so so happy.........

the day end up at 6am...after club,we going to mc d n talk abt the past...when we recall bck the past,haha...was so crazy n unbelievable...

wat m i doing now??

wat m i doing recently???
sleep
eat
online
watching movie
shopping
spa
travel
beauty treatment
drink drank drunk
party
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i spend alot of money tht's y....
the most important is ---keep sending my resume...

i got 2 reply tht request me for interview,so coming wed morning im flying to kl for the 2 interview then fly bck again at night...

pls----------wish me good luck------------

away again...

wil away to bangkok with my love chrislyn n my younger bro from 30 sept to 3 oct......

soooooooooooooooooo im not going to onlineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry

reached msia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the day i reached is 16 sept 10pm msia time...then 17 sept morning i fly bck to my hometown n straight away went to hat yai n phuket in thailand for a week trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!so i got no time to inform any1 tht i reached msia,i got no chance to turn on lappy as well!!!!!!!!!!!

im so sorry to who tht waiting for my news and my call....im so sorry

leaving

shld try my best to write in english since my english quite poor...i wish 'some1' tht don understand chinese can actually knw how m i recently coz im afraid we might not contact so frequently due to we ar in diff part of the world...

ok,today is my last day in uk,hopefully last day,coz i might consider coming bck again...i hv no feeling at all b4 tht,but start from few days ago,im starting feeling hard to leave uk...shld i really leave uk n not coming bck anymore??shld i really leave uk wfout visit to barcelone,scotland,greece....shld i really leave wfout really truly done wf my shopping???????i dunno...im really feel so so hard to leave uk...im so confused now!!!!

90% done wf my shipping n my own luggage,my luggage is over weight,i knw im gonna be fine again!!!!after i throw so much of my thing,my shipping box stil full n my luggage full as well...it's terrible,this is gal who done so much shopping...

i knw i gonna miss uk so muchhhhhhhhhhh but not the weather pls...
i knw i gonna miss 'some1' so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
but i dunno 'some1' gonna miss me????

矛盾

明天就会踏上回家的旅途。。。第一次坐直飞，其实很怕，怕很辛苦。。。其实我的东西还没有收拾好。。。

本来心情其实是没有多大起伏的，就好像知道自己要回去的事实，没有想很多，可是从昨天开始，开始觉得其实还是有点舍不得英国的。。。好像还有很多东西还没做，好像还有很多地方还没去，好像还有很多东西还没买，好像很多好像。。。开始又想着到底还要不要回来，又开始挣扎了。。。回来其实我真的不想做外卖店了，我现在听到电话响我都会怕咯。。。这几天一直出去买东西，好像想买的东西还有很多，可是时间却很少。。。真的很快，真的明天就走了。。。恐怖到。。。

其实人就是那么矛盾，之前拼了命的想回，现在要回了又想再回来。。。唉。。。因为是很冲忙的决定，所以真的好像真的很多东西还没做。。。

病了。。。

妈的，病到七彩，感冒。。。累咯。。。

东西还没收拾，真的完全没有动到。。。要回了还在lepak。。。

回了

松了口气。。。因为我要回去了。。。不待了。。。不想待在这里了。。。我下个月就回去了。。。是很仓促的决定，可是我知道我不会后悔。。。

回去开始新的生活，我会更开心。。。

近况

最近的生活十年如一日，做工，回家，健身，睡觉。。。没什么特别。。。一直很努力在减肥，可是好像很难，因为我吃不停。。。哈哈。。。

不知不觉夏天又要过完了，冬天又要开始了，我又要天天喊‘很冷啊’

今天原本要做工的，懒惰，病了，想赖在家里，所以请假。。。

其实，好像很多事情想，烦，可是又不知道烦些什么，矛盾。。。其实，真的已经厌倦了这里的生活，真的很想回到我从前在马来西亚的花花世界里，吃饭，唱歌，跳舞。。。其实，真的不知道自己要什么，自己有什么梦想。。。人因梦想而伟大，没梦想的人就像咸鱼，那我现在应该是咸鱼吧。。。

其实，最近好像发生很多事情，可是又似很平静。。。来来去去还有什么事情啊，还不是都因为你，能让我心情起伏不定，高高低低的就只有你。。。你不高兴就对我很差，高兴就搞个小惊喜给我，收到你寄来的hello kitty电话了，谢谢。。。也知道你今天打电话来也只是想知道我到底有没有在生气，你知道我从不会，也从不敢生气你的。。。

朋友最近常嚷着很郁闷，以为结婚了一切会改变，可是事实恰恰相反，反而变本加厉。。。真的，2个人的相处之道真的要互相信任，他都娶了你，证明他愿意为了你而改变，为了你而定下心来，也证明他愿意为了你而附上2个人生活的责任，其实你还想怎样呢？你不相信他，拼了命的怀疑他，频频查他的手机，其实有几个人受得了？你不相信他就算了，就连你自己的朋友你也要怀疑，工作上让他们有接触，有联络真的是再也正常不过了，这样也要吵？谁受得了你哦？这次是头破血流，虽然是轻微的，看在我们这些好友的心里是多么的不舒服啊！你明知道他不喜欢这样，可是你偏偏往他的禁忌踩，其实你们的婚姻如果以后走到回不了头的结局，你真的只能怨你自己，不能怨天怨地怨人。。。你知道吗，他是怎样的人？吃软不吃硬，你知道他其实是很疼老婆的人，你真的应该知道他是怎样的人了，请你理智点，不让白白的断送了你自己的幸福时可不要哭。。。他常常嚷着要我快点回去，因为他的生活很闷，哈哈，参的都是他老婆的朋友，显。。。像因为吵架摔坏了手机，现在麻麻烦烦的要买手机，处理sim卡的问题特地要我醒来问我，我说你难道就不能要你老婆帮你搞定吗？他很坚决的说不要，说着如果我有在的话，我早帮他搞定了。。。其实他已经习惯了我帮他把大大小小的事情搞定，身为他的老婆既然还帮不上他这些忙，唉。。。其实就真的从很久以前开始，我都把他的烦恼接过来搞定，反正我也习惯了让他依赖，算了，这就是我们的相处方式。。。让我快点回去可以一起唱歌，看戏。。。好好。。。快了快了。。。我提议我们一群好朋友去旅行，你竟然不要带你的老婆去。。哈哈。。真坏。。。

其实，我。。。累了。。。想家了。。。

挥别长发

长头发，卷发。。。腻了。。。所以想换新发型。。。颜色也脱了，所以就干脆来个发型变换。。。本来一直不想剪那么短，一直想说一定要至少齐肩，可是，算了，既然要剪就给他来个大转变。。。

还ok吧？

第一烂，看到我的房间有多乱吗？？？？？你几时要过了帮我收拾？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？

生日快乐

16/7生日快乐。。。。

为你做了个惊喜，吩咐朋友帮我买蛋糕然后送给你，制了个短片给你，可是你好像没什么感觉。。。

你又不接电话了，心情顿时凉了一半，心痛。。。

这是最后了。。。